"Crude?! I'm simply a connoisseur of the single entendre."

conversation fragment, 2011

"Watcha doin?"
"Uh ... taking a loan for a walk."
"You mean nickin somethin?"
"Uh ... no, but yes, but no ..."

monkey 1 and monkey 2

"Let the spirit of the vertical stripe remain with you always."

Nick Saloman, circ. 1987

"The higher the monkey climbs, the more you can see of its arse."

Dr. Sir L.C. Patterson, 2011

"Show me a bridge and I'll show you a nice lot of firewood."

Colonel R. Bellend, 1864

"Sobriety is the best friend of diplomacy.
Diplomacy is a good friend of compromise.
Compromise is no friend of Art.
Art is the enemy of sobriety."

Bruno Boyardee, 1964

"I walked back to the car, all ready to fix it and split, only to find out that I didn't have any duct tape. I remembered that Ron used it all back in December 'cause he was going to show me how he could make a wallet out of it, only he totally messed it up and used my whole roll. He promised to get me a new one, but he never did."

Jim Anchower, 2006




"Then I went for a run with the other dog and just walked. And I started thinking about a lot of things. I was able to ... I can't remember what it was ..."

George W. Bush, 2001